Rumours Abound

Another week brings nothing but questions for the UWA and all of its superstars, why was Ashe Draven in attendance at Devil’s Night and who was this Jack Glory Bloke who was trailing him all about? Of course we’ve all heard the internet rumours… That Clyde and Summer are selling their shares in an effort to get out of the business, but neither will publicly comment on the topic. So is Ashe getting back into the fold? And if so will we be seeing a resurgence of the old ways? Will the UWA cease to exist and go back to the ECWF?

I shall hope not, the UWA machine has been good to me and though I’ve put in my share of work it’s given back just as much as I’ve put in. I’ve come to be the face of this federation and no matter if you love me or you hate me. That fact cannot be disputed. Yes there are plenty others who are largely associated with this federation as well and I could only assume that they feel the same as I do concerning this possibility.

But let’s not dwell then?... Instead I want to officially start this blog post with well-wishes to my beautiful girlfriend who has been sidelined with what the doctors are calling a zinger. She’s sprained her neck pretty good and because there’s too much swelling to really tell if she can return without the risk of serious injury. She’s been asked to sit out seven weeks before going for a reevaluation. I personally feel as if a part of me is missing when she’s not trotting the arena with me or going out on the town by my side. But she has my full support in her recovery and I will stand steadfastly by her side for the whole process. When she’s able to return you all will see a focused and hungry Katie Keller back to reclaim what belongs to her

Not to mention a spot of revenge as well.

Revenge seems to be the common theme around the federation lately with this little soap opera going about the backstage area between Madsen, Bradley, Ava, Nate & Trey… Of course others like Josh, John, and even Bobby Peru have been absorbed into the whole odd situation. Yes I know we’re all adults here but it’s only a matter of time before this thing blows up in somebody’s face and turns ugly… Especially with the volatile personalities involved in the mix, part of me hopes that Moore and Austin go down with the ship on this one… But to be honest I’m just staying far out of this… Last thing I want right now is lady troubles

Sadly I have enough of those all ready with Kaley Blake who has yet to pull away the stipulation of our match… Yes I plan on winning, as I always do but as I stated earlier in this week. She’s only guilty of being fooled by Sillinger into thinking there was some seedy relationship when in fact he was only looking for another way to assure victory. Sadly he never anticipated my plot and thusly was run out of town… Kaley, luv. You have one week, so please reconsider… Otherwise you’ll be just as retired as the aforementioned Prez.

It’s safe to note that Lydia is still doing well as she draws ever closer to her due date… I wanted to give her a shout and tell her that if she needs anything that I’m only a phone call away. She has my didgets and I’d be glad to help out with anything that she might think inappropriate to ask the married father of her child… Or any of the other boys around here.

So let’s not put it off any longer then? Here’s this week’s Superstar Ratings



Explanations:
#1 Trey Adams returns strong after missing a long stretch of time and proved to the world that he still has that fire and passion needed to climb the ranks here in the UWA. He quickly outted ECWF Legend Samantha Curie from the UC-One Tournament and looks to be in the form he was in one year ago. If he can keep his mind focused on the challenge ahead he could be a very large challenge for all of us in the tourney.

#2 Bobby Peru showed up and performed only as Bobby Peru can… He always finds away to win and is never out of any match, he proved as much by winning the tag team turmoil match at Devils night therefore he climbs up to take the second spot in the power ratings

#3 Bradley had yet another strong showing at Devil’s Night despite going the whole match without a tag partner, but in the end she couldn’t get the job done. Yes many would argue that she was never given a chance but the great ones always find a way to pull those matches out. She drops two spots but still remains high on the list for her efforts

#4 Ava Austin retains the fourth spot on the rankings for the second straight week proving her uncanny ability to be at the right place in the right time. Yes she might be quite plastered, but don’t overlook her because she’ll gladly pull one over on you

#5 Genocide also made his return after a long layoff and decimated his opponent backstage… He might’ve been higher on the rankings had he actually pinned Christian, but the lad gets the nod on the account of him moving into the next round of the UC-One where he will most likely get to face me

That’s all for now luvs, good luck to all for this week’s show
The 2010 UWA Superstar of the Year
Lacey Allen Cohen

The Ranking System & More

Let’s sound off, shall we?

And the first subject on what promises to be a lengthy blog post is the topic of the aforementioned Administration, yes I covered this in the media all week and yet no matter where I go I’m still hounded by blokes who want to know why I did it? Of course some point to my recent loss of the UWA Universal Championship as the reason for my treason, but to be perfectly honest. I would’ve done it no matter what… You see this has been planned carefully for months; the day I accepted the belt and became a part of the Administration the eventual goal was to find a way to screw Scott over and cost him his beloved power.

It’s not my fault the fool handed me the opportunity on a silver platter than trusted me to be his saviour… He should’ve known that I couldn’t be trusted and that I was chomping at the bit for revenge after what he did to me at the start of the 2010 season. So to put an end to all of this nonsense, this act was not because I lost the belt or because I wanted to restore my girlfriend’s mother to power. It was because I had a score to settle and I found a delightful way to settle it…

Plain and simple….

Next up on the agenda is Kaley Blake, ah yes Scotty’s star crossed lover… You do know that he was just manipulating you to try and gain an advantage right? He doesn’t actually care about you luv, in fact he doesn’t care about anyone but himself… So this whole “vengeful lover” angle isn’t really the right thing for you, now that’s not to say that I’ll shy away from dealing with you. In fact because of what you did to my girlfriend I’m getting ready to shake you like a British Nanny the second we get into the ring together… And as far as your challenge goes, sure I’ll accept and put you out of a job… ONLY if Katherine gives it the OK… I don’t want to deny her the privilege of kicking your arse if she sees the need.

And speaking of Katherine… She was recently ambushed while coming out of the shower in the ladies dressing room, and though she didn’t see her attacker all signs point to that slagging cunt Madsen Moore. I know you’re all miffed over your hand and that you like to blame others for your inability to stay fit… But this is where I draw the line Moore. You don’t ambush somebody when they are in the middle of getting dressed… It’s completely yellow and the moment you and I cross paths, whether it’d be in the ring or at the local market… I swear to you I’ll make sure you have a new person to blame your lack of fitness on.

Bradley… It seems like you are getting a bit popular with the UWA fans, sure you had an impressive night at Wargames, but we both know your success was because of me. Perhaps you should send some flowers or something? It would be the proper way of thanking the British for bailing your French Arse out of trouble… You still don’t fool me though; I know you’re all smoke and mirrors and the longer you stay around my federation… The faster people will start seeing you as the fraud you are.

Josh Elliot… I would like to welcome you back to the UWA, I must say that it is lovely to hear that you are well and back in action though I am deeply sorry for your recent loss. I would very much like to meet up with you sometime and have a cuppa or perhaps a meal… Even a few drinks at the local club would be fine. We have some catching up to do and the longer we put it off the more we’ll have to catch up on

John Cena has found his good name restored recently and though it’s no secret that Cena and I have no love for one another I wanted to give my congratulations to him on this. Though I’ve said my fare share of rubbish about these allegations, I never was a fan of the way Sillinger was doing business and would only chime in to keep Scott thinking I was on his side. Besides they were dragging the good name of my friend Lydia through the mud as well and seeing as the lass is quite pregnant I was miffed about the stress it caused her. So you’re welcome for putting an end to the Sillinger Reign and stopping these ruthless rumours before they became impossible to deal with… Also I apologize for my part in spreading them, though it was necessary to rope Scotty deeper into trusting me

But enough babble for one day then, I’ve given it a little consideration and think that I may start a superstar ranking system to put my peers where they fall according to the type of week they’ve had. Now I’ll never be on this rank because I’m so biased that I’d always be at #1… Also it’s important to understand that I’m not ranking based on who I think is the best, or who my most favourite is… I’m doing it in accordance to who I think has had the best week. So don’t come to me with an attitude because I’ve rated someone I don’t like higher than you, it just means the bloke had a more favourable week.

Lacey’s Superstar Power Rankings Week 1 (10/10/2011 – 17/10/2011)
#1. Bradley (Because everyone is buzzing about her after a strong finish to Mayhem)
#2. Shay Matthews (He won Money in the Bank)
#3. John Cena (Strong Showing in Wargames, has his reputation restored)
#4. Ava Austin (Strong showing at Wargames, can she survive without “Coach” here to protect her?)
#5. Nate Daniels (The Manc had a good showing in his debut despite being outsmarted by Shay)

Pretty painless, yea?... I’ll have to consider new rankings after Devil’s Night… I’m sure we’ll see some new faces and perhaps some old ones on the list.

Cheers,
The UWA ICON
2009 & 2010 ECWF/UWA Superstar Of The Year
Lacey Allen Cohen

Stay Strong

Greetings Plebs,
I recently read something interesting on UWA.com that stated I was not in attendance at Mayhem due to “concussion like injuries” after the little incident that took place in the cage at the PPV event, and due to the concern of my friends and fans I felt it necessary to clear up any false information that may have been placed out there by our dodgy commissioner in hopes of saving her arse after booking a questionable match for last week’s show. You see I’m not injured, nor did I even suffer a concussion… Yes getting a cage door slammed into my head certainly left me rattled, but not hampered. You see I’ve taken a few weeks to attend to my sister who had an unfortunate accident in her match against Katie… I felt it necessary to do this because Sophie has nobody else here in the states to look after her, and as we all know it’s my duty as her big sister to attend to her welfare.

So that’s out of the way

Next on the agenda is the state of the UWA, it seems as if John and Lydia have taken an even bigger step toward infamy with yet another dodgy win against Bobby Peru on Mayhem. Sadly I tried to tell Bobby that this would happen, I tried to warn him that John was in it for himself and would be the first bloke to stick a knife in his back. It’s just like when John joined torrent, he was a good teammate till I was given an opportunity at the title before him and then it went south; before I knew it… He was stabbing me in the back and abandoning his peers in our stable. So Bobby, I know you’ve turned down the offers before but I’ll ask again luv… Join the administration, side with the only two people who have ever truly called you their friend. We’re not the bad guys here; in fact we’re the ones who are working to save the UWA from itself.

Next up…

Katie… Luv, I know you have a big title defense against a woman who has been a rather large thorn in my side for many years. Madsen is a tough opponent who will likely stop at nothing to try and steal your belt away from you, and though I hate to ever give her credit for anything… I can say with absolute honesty that she is about as tough as they come, so do not overlook her abilities because of any injuries she might carry around. You’re the champion; in fact you’re the best damn No Limit’s Champion the UWA has ever seen… You’re poised, professional, unshakable, and more skilled than most even give you credit for. You can and will defeat Madsen to retain a championship that belongs to you; I have faith in you… But in order to beat her you need to make sure your head is in the right place.

I know you’re stressed about the situation with your mum, and worried that I might possibly harbor ill feelings after the accident that put my sister on the bench. So all I can say is that you need to put the power struggle in the back of your mind, I believe that your mother thinks she’s in the right… I believe that she believes she’s not harmed this federation like she has. And her delusions have started to alienate her from reality, you deserve to be treated better; and though it’s unfair your relationship with the woman has placed you in the centre of the situation, you have to stay strong and weather the storm.

Just know that you always have my undying support

And with that I think it should go without mention that I don’t hold Sophie’s accident against you; you were in a match trying to win. I know you wouldn’t ever intentionally injure anyone in a match… Especially my sister. So don’t even think for a moment that I’m mad or upset with you for what happened…

Soon I’ll be back on the road with the UWA and right by your side to shelter you from this storm… In the meantime you have to stay strong and keep fighting with everything you’ve got. I believe in you Katherine and as long as you believe in yourself

You can accomplish anything.

Yours forever, with undying love
Lacey Allen Cohen

No Fear

Greetings Plebs,
So Mayhem was an interesting event, yea?... I mean I had that stupid bint Madsen Moore locked in the clutches of the blackout, I could feel her folding up beneath the force of my devastating finisher and just when she’d reached the breaking point… Who shows up to save the day?

Sarah Moss…

Now look, I never had a personal issue with Moss… In fact I never had anything but a positive relationship with the woman even before I started dating her beautiful daughter. But for some crazy reason she decided to sneak into the arena in Idaho and attack me like a coward, an attack I might add that allowed that festering whore Madsen to lock me in my own finisher afterward….

Yeah thanks, my back is still sore…

But I still can’t understand the reason why? I mean both Sarah and I are after the same goal, to save the UWA. She’s had her opportunity and now its Sillinger’s turn but just because he’s picked me to be the Chosen One she feels that she has to come out and direct her anger towards me… Well Sarah, since you are my beautiful girlfriend’s mother I’ll allow you to get away with said digressions

This time….

But if you ever put another hand on me when I’m doing my job… Than may the lord have mercy on you and that dodgy knee once I get a hold of you, and no luv that’s not a threat… It’s a warning… Never again will you lay a hand on me in aggression, honestly it was an ill-advised selfish move that only affects poor Katie. And anyone who makes my Katie cry… Instantly goes to the top of my hit list, so bare it in mind…

And don’t think I haven’t forgotten about this convenient booking at the pay per view where I’ll fight both Peru and Cena inside a cage to defend MY Universal Championship. Fancy little decision Clyde, and I just know you’ve booked this match with the simple notion that both members of this so called revolution will likely just pick me apart and then decide between themselves who the champion should be… Well I’m here to tell you that it’s an unlikely proposition

You see Peru just lost his belt to the biggest pile of slag in the administration… And Cena’s career has been on the fast track to “Has-been”… BOTH of these men will be looking to rebound and win the Universal title, and I know Bobby enough to understand that he makes no alliances in a match where opportunity to score gold is present… So go ahead and tip your hat, than look for a replacement referee… Because once Scott’s done with you

You’ll be on the way to the morgue….

The UWA Universal Champion
The CHOSEN ONE
2009 ECWF/UWA Superstar Of The Year
Lacey Allen Cohen

All the Plebs

Again The Administration wins with a stunning and dare I say… Unexpected addition of Hailey Faith to our ranks, and I have to admit. Her timing and plan was absolutely impeccable. She showed up with that chair just in time to send Bobby down on top of Baby Maker and then plowed Johnny Boy in the face with that weapon giving the Administration an easy victory over this pathetic Revolution.

So why did she do it? Well I’ll let her elaborate onto the details… But you must remember that she and I go way back, when she first arrived to the now defunct ECWF. It was I who brought her under my wing and trained her to be the calculating wrestling machine she is today. Together she and I shared uncanny success as we shot up the ranks of a federation that hated us with brooding jealousy.

Yes we had our fallout because of John Cena… Than she was injured and missed half a year, but now Hailey is back having realized the error of her ways and by my side… She, I and the Administration will apply the stranglehold upon the UWA and finally restate the glory lost to this federation

We are your path to righteousness… We are salvation

And on Monday night… The Administration will once again prove to the plebs here in the UWA that there is no “war” it’s more like us enforcing out wills upon a bunch of ignorant twats who refuse to lie down and die. Well lads, if you won’t take a bow by choice… Then we’ll have to force your hand on the matter

And it all starts on Mayhem when Hailey takes apart a man who helped force her and me apart… You see Johnny, she knows who you really are.. She knows that you’re not who you claim to be. There are no more illusions left and now it’s time to pay the price for your digressions. You’ll find out the hard way that Hailey Faith is back… All I can say is that you should expect a more focused and dangerous woman than you’ve ever seen before.

Of course than we have the Main Event… Our good mate Bobby Peru, who has opted to take the high road and stay united with the Revolution… You know Robert, I’m disappointed in you; I mean you could’ve been on top of the world luv… This was your opportunity to stand alongside the people you’ve considered your closest mates. Hell we could’ve reunited the Torrent Lineup just like the good old days and ran all over these plebs… But you wouldn’t have it, instead you allowed your greed to dictate over common sense and for that you’ll be forced to pay the price as our slagging “first lady” takes a shot at you on Mayhem…

And speaking of Slags… I get a match against an old “friend” of mine… Madsen, the more I beat you down the more you keep coming back. Part of me admires that about you; of course the other part can’t believe just how stupid you are for it. Either way you and I are slated for a nice little match on Mayhem and for the first time in what seems like forever..

It’ll be a one on one…

But you know I was thinking just recently that since I’m the UWA Universal Champion… Since I’m the Chosen One…. I might be extra gracious and give you a shot at the championship on Mayhem. Call it a good will gesture for the little “misunderstanding” we had at Unfinished Business… But I am, and always have been a defending Champion so I suppose that means it’s your lucky day…

Oh and Ms. Moore… I do suggest that you update your insurance policy

The UWA Universal Champion
The CHOSEN ONE
2009 ECWF/UWA Superstar Of The Year
Lacey Allen Cohen

The Chosen One

All Hail… The Queen has arrived.

That’s right plebs, once again Lacey Allen Cohen stands alone atop the pinnacle as the greatest UWA Universal Champion of all time! And not just any champion, but the Administration champion. I am the CHOSEN ONE and together with the help of Scott Sillinger and Summer Johnston we will help restore the greatly diminished luster of this once proud federation. It’s about bloody time somebody steps up and takes the initiative, and before you all start bitching and moaning I should remind everyone that I’ve done this for you…

That’s right, I put my differences with the aforementioned Scott Sillinger aside so I could represent this company and help pull it from the cesspool to which it has fallen. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, but my heart felt it was necessary to save each and every one of you as well as all of our fans from the faltering product we produce each week.

And it was my unselfish act that will start the beginning of our new era of prosperity… With your new champion in place, the Administration can start to focus on the federation as a whole as opposed to defense of its greatest resource. And alongside the CHOSEN ONE, Scott Sillinger and Summer Johnston cam now begin to pick up the pieces and rebuild this federation from the ground up..

So now UWA, I tell you all… Either stand behind your messiah and follow me to the Promised Land, or fall in this futile little attempt to rise up against. We’re not the evil that has diminished the luster of your UWA… Its people like John Cena who goes locker to locker getting anyone he talks to pregnant, people like Bobby Peru who bring feral animals into our hallways to attack out beloved staff… And people like Ayumi who preach as if they’ve actually accomplished something here.

The Administration stands for everything that is good and virtuous… We will lead the way into the next generation and by joining our cause you will help make this federation a better place for future superstars..

Renounce your veiled beliefs in this failed system and pledge allegiance to the Administration… Together we can make the world a better place.

THE CHOSEN ONE
2009 ECWF/UWA Superstar Of The Year
UWA Universal Champion
Lacey Allen Cohen

From Russia, With Malice

What a pissed out week this has been… Honestly words cannot express just how miserable things have been for me ever since Katherine and I lost our Universal Cup match to the team of Nevada’s Finest. Sure I could sit here and read you off a list of things that had played out against our favour and make excuses like every other sad sap here; but I won’t… In fact I’ll respectfully congratulate Bobby Peru on another win to advance closer to that Universal Title match. Thus far Peru has put on a one man show winning all the Universal Cup matches for his team.

I suppose I can’t go without mention of his wayward tag team partner… You see, he’s a spineless hate mongering muppet with less class and dignity than even Stacy Cena [Allegedly]. However he did me an unusual service the first night I was in Russia and for what reason I’m not entirely sure…

I won’t go into details about what exactly happened as the situation is both hard to imagine and very personal… But it was because of his intervention that I’m here typing this blog right now, and even though this is incredibly agonizing for me to say… I’ll still be big enough to say it

Thanks…

Ugh, now I need to go bathe in battery acid to get the dingy feeling off me…

Also… (And much more importantly) is my manager and Friend Lydia … The same night I had my “ordeal” I woke up in her hotel room feeling like my head had been used as a football. It was very late, and I was alone. So after venturing out into the lobby I discovered that I’d been placed in her room and that she left only hours prior with some unidentified man.

It‘s the last time anyone saw her…

I know many of you don’t like me… But please, if anyone out there has any information about her whereabouts than I beg that you come forward and let us all know. This is a very serious matter that has to do with the welfare of our co-worker, friend, and a friend of the community

After my ordeal however, I fear the worst… And all my prayers are with her right now

Sincerely,
Lacey Allen Cohen

Karma, Karma, Everywhere

Karma… It’s a mystical force that claims its unsanctioned revenge on everyone who turns its ugly head. For me Karma came in the form of a lead pipe to the skull with enough force to knock me into next week, it was well played by Ashe… A weapon snuck in from an outside party, just like I did to him in the chamber… He exacted his form of karma on me and played its hand to help him become champion.

But just as soon as Karma aided him… it stabbed his back and sought its revenge forcing the hand of Sarah Moss who stripped him of the belt for his cowardice act and awarding the title back to its rightful owner

Me…

Again I was the champion, and as I would discover later in the night… My beloved won her championship match against Genocide to become the new No Limit’s champion. Now I find myself on a new path as I walk through the great European theater… For the first time I stand alongside someone I feel a true connection with, someone who I both admire and respect… Someone I take refuge in as well as shelter from harm. Katie is my muse, my support, my lover…

My everything

Without her I am as empty and soulless as the title I carry… But with her I feel as vibrant and alive as ever. Honestly, words cannot express my feelings for this woman, it doesn’t’ matter if nobody else can understand… just so long as I have her by my side

And as much as I’d love to sit here and Gush… I really must get down to business, more importantly… Monday Night Mayhem…

You see Scotty, I haven’t forgotten everything you’ve done to me… The emotional sabotage, the personal agendas, the defacing of my name and legacy… As well as your more ‘recent acts’, men like you and Ashe are a cancer upon this federation; a stain on the face of virtue and standards… Men like you have tainted the legacy of those who came before and spoil the value of our great championships, yet you still find ways to weasel yourselves into our main events battling for our titles…

Shame too…

Well I’ve had enough of your rubbish; you keep dodging about trying to assemble a legion for this war inside your head… Spreading your lies to whoever will have a listen. Well it ends here… I’ve had enough of it and if I get my opportunity on Mayhem, I’m going for that neck of yours.

Don’t think I’m not aware of the past injuries either, the “career ending” surgery you had before making your dramatic return… You know I could put you in the right head lock and pop the pins holding your spine together. It’s C2 and C3 right?... At least that’s where the pretty little scar up the back of your neck would indicate.

So coward… If I were you, I’d abandon your new running mate on Mayhem and hitch the next flight back to America… Otherwise the next time you see her green grass… you’ll be riding in a wheelchair.

Cheers…
The UWA Universal Champion
2009 ECWF/UWA Superstar of the Year
BRAND ICON
Lacey Allen Cohen

Lady Luck?

Cheers mates,

I’ve decided to do a late week blog post to give everyone an update on my progress as I stand only days out of an Elimination chamber match. And to be honest I feel absolutely fantastic, my ankle has made a full recovery and has granted me the time needed for proper training. So despite the fact that the odds are stacked heavily against me… I find myself oddly optimistic about my chances to retain the title. Sure I said earlier in the week that I have nothing to win and everything to lose… But that’s not entirely true; you see if I were to win this match it would help cement my legacy in the “Big Match”

It would prove to the UWA that I’m still as clutch as ever and that Lacey Allen is the real face of the UWA… Yes I know you probably don’t want to read my self-promoting psychobabble anymore so I’ll let it go and allow my actions to do the talking for me. Before I go however, there are a few things I wanted to touch on…

First of all is Trey Adams, you see he and I have been pretty close friends for a while now… But it seems that lately all we do is butt heads, sure he’s after my championship and is riding high on his girlfriend’s coat tails. But eventually that ride will end and he’ll realize that he’s all alone in a pond full of hungry sharks… So if he and I were speaking right now, than I might advise him not to burn all of his bridges. Especially the ones to the people who really care for him…

The next is Katie Keller… She and I have just met only recently, but I’ve started to find a good mate in her. She’s funny, talented, and a joy to pal about with; on top of that she’s more or less a fellow European and it’s nice to have someone around that you can relate to. So Katie, if you read this, than I suppose I just wanted to say thanks for being there… You’ve helped me stay focused on Madness during a stressful week.

Then there’s Josh Elliot, now I haven’t talked to the bloke to confirm it. But there’s a rumor around the backstage area saying that he struck down Samantha Curie … Well I should be giving him the stern talk about how he should never strike a woman and asking why he might take down a woman, especially since he was in my locker room obsessing over earlier in the week. But honestly I’m just too bloody impressed in him… Samantha Curie is a slag Josh, she was dragging you through the mud and using your emotions to her favour… So three cheer sto you for taking a stand and breaking her curse

And finally there is something that has been on my mind… You see I’ve been a bit pre-occupied as of late, and it’s probably the reason I’m in such a cheery mood… I’d hate to admit it, but I have a real fancy for someone here in Miami… In fact I can’t stop thinking about it; I can’t say who it is out of respect for their privacy… And it might go against my better judgment, but I think I might have to just get into the open about it… Face the possibility of rejection head on if you will.

It wouldn’t be the first time I was turned away… But if I don’t do it, I’ll spend the entire European trip wondering “What if?”

So wish me luck

Cheers!
The UWA Universal Champion
2009 UWA/ECWF Superstar of the Year
Lacey Allen Cohen

Elimination Chamber

Mayhem… What a sham… Right from the start I should’ve known things weren’t going to go well, I mean I woke up Monday Morning in agony. My Ankle had become swollen after my training on Friday night and till about five in the afternoon I could hardly walk on it… So I spoke with Nathan who taped it up and advised me to ice it for an hour before the start of my match.

Sure the treatment helped… But I was notably slowed in the match and as result couldn’t help my partners at all

But that wasn’t the worst of it… The fact that Legion orchestrated a seedy victory has left me with a sour taste in my mouth. Yeah I know, Scott pinned me for the win but it was only after Ashe nailed me from behind with his Rail Driver and then accused Cena of wiping me out that cost him a DQ. So where Scott has a paper win against me… Even my hardest critics would agree that it was a dodgy way to get his first victory on me.

Three Cheers to you arsehole…

But don’t worry because on Monday Night Madness in the ECWF arena, I’ll have an opportunity for revenge against the bastard as we all enter the hellish Elimination Chamber. Sure I’m not happy about the match as it always seems that I have to defend the title in these bloody crazy gimmick matches while the other Universal Champions got simple one on one regulation defenses… It seems the UWA has put my back against the wall in hopes that I’d either prove my merit or fail trying.

But that’s just cheery…

If I’m to go down… It’ll be in a blaze of glory and you can damn well bet on the fact that I’ll take Scott Sillinger with me… Sure I have some issues with everyone in the match as well as a giant bulls eye on my back, but Sillinger is top priority. He will not win the Universal title… In fact if I have it my way, he won’t even walk away from the chamber match at all…

It’s not that I’m bitter…. Well actually… Yea it is…

UWA Universal Champion
2009 ECWF/UWA M.V.P
Lacey Allen Cohen

Souled Out?

Once again… I’ve been made to be a goat, this time at the hands of Scott Sillinger and Ashe Draven who have seemed to form some sort of alliance along with Damien, Krishna, Josh, and that seedy Roman. Not only was I ambushed during my match by two men pent on taking me right out of the business all together. But I nearly had my ankle broken by Scott who used a steel chair on it in an unnatural manor.

Fear not however, X-Ray’s were negative showing only a very bad sprain and some inflammation of the tendons… Sure it hurts something terrible and I’ll have to get around on stilts for a few days, but the injury should recover enough to allow me entry in this 6 man tag team match. A match that teams me with the one person I never imagined that I’d be teaming with…

John Cena…

And yes, I’m aware I owe him a debt of gratitude for helping me out of a bind… I’m thankful for his deeds, but I never ‘asked’ for his help. He did the deed voluntarily and as much as it pains me to admit that I had to get help from a man who I consider to be one of my biggest rivals… It’s the truth…

Tough times call for drastic measures … And it’s what will pit John and me along with our manager Violet in a six person tag match against the newly formed alliance of Ashe, Scotty, and Roman.

Just because John and I have to work together to resolve this threat, doesn’t mean we actually have to like each other… But I assure you that I’ve put all my personal issues with the man aside for the greater good of the UWA, I’ll team with John and together along with Lyds. We’ll end this little issue before it becomes a full blown problem.

So UWA… Prepare to see something that NOBODY ever expected to happen… John Cena & Lacey Allen… Working in unison

There goes my soul… down the toilet…

The UWA Universal Champion
2009 UWA/ECWF M.V.P
Lacey Allen Cohen

Heed The Warning

Again I’ve captured the Universal Title after showing the world exactly why I was the rightful champion to begin with; I exposed Scott Sillinger to be the pathetic arsehole that he is by defeating him in the middle of the ring with the Royal Treatment. Of course my big win secures my second time Universal Championship and reestablishes me as the top superstar in a federation filled with the world’s best talent.

This virtue is nice to brag about, but it also comes with a hefty price... And now I have a man who I once considered my closest friend and confidant barking up my tree for a shot at the title. But it’s not as simple as that, apparently Trey has dumped my sister for a fancy with the UWA Vice President and is going around claiming his superiority saying that he wants out of my shadow… Something he intends to accomplish by beating me for the title

As if I ever held Trey Adams back…

If anything I helped him launch his career… If it wasn’t for me, he’d be a shy kid with a speech p-pr-problem fighting in the mid cards of the dark shows trying to get over with the fans. I helped Trey Adams reach his potential and would’ve backed him against even the most impossible odds… But he wouldn’t have it; instead he’s set to follow in the tainted path of Scott Sillinger

Another man who thought he could tread on me to obtain fame and success…

Heed my warning Trey… Turn away from this motive; it’s not too late for you to mend fences with me, we can be mates and pretend none of this rubbish ever happened. And once you climb the ladder enough to earn your shot at me than I promise you’ll have it. I don’t want to hate you luv… I want to be your friend. But if you keep this nonsense up and come after me like you’ve gone after others you dislike… Than even Summer cannot save you

I promise… We can still be close, but once you cross that line… Once you burn the bridge, there’s no telling what I’ll do to you in retaliation. I know you’re a big scrapping bloke who is full of talent, but I’m the UWA Brand Icon… This is my show and if you cross swords with me than I’ll make sure your status as “up and comer” turns into a huge case of “what might’ve been”

Just Ask Scott Sillinger… He’s still pouring over pints every night trying to figure out a way to beat me

I’m not saying I’m better than you… I’m saying I’m better than the average superstar, and up until now luvvie… That’s all you’ve beaten

Cheers to you… And think about it before you do something irrational

With Love,
The UWA Universal Champion
2009 Superstar of the year
UWA BRAND ICON
Lacey Allen Cohen

Chivalry

So I have a wonder… Was Ashe and Damien’s attacks on myself, Madsen, and possibly Violet all for the greater purpose of getting one up on John Cena, or were they a response to many different things that have occurred during the course of the week? Was Madsen and Lydia attacked because of John’s outburst toward Ashe at the start of the show or was it done so that John would have nobody watching his back at ringside?

And then there’s my situation… Sure I’m only assuming that it was Ashe’s work that had me placed in the closet in attempt to thwart my appearance at ringside. But even if it wasn’t him, it was certainly his brother who attacked me once I was out of that bloody thing and on my way to join the battle. So the question is… Was I attacked because of some unholy pact the Draven’s made with my ex, or was I ambushed for my opinions expressed earlier in the week on the UWAonline forums?

Regardless the reasons, it’s quite obvious that they were cowardly in their moves last night… I find it funny how Ashe walks around demanding respect as if it was a birthright, yet he refuses to pay anyone the same regard. If Ashe wants myself or anyone for that matter to respect him; then he better start facing people like a man instead of like a coward…

That’s all there is to it …

But enough about Ashe… Let’s talk about another pile of shit

Scott Sillinger… Ah yes luv, you’ve been dodging me all week long while playing your little games. You make deals with others to attack me [allegedly] and then threaten to have me deported if I try to fight back. It’s funny too, I should’ve listened to all those people when they said you were rubbish… But I didn’t… And now I’m finding out the hard way just who you really are

Well darling… You’re about to find out who Lacey Cohen really is at New Years Evil, because I’m about to unleash all types of pain on your arse. It’s like I said, I know your body like the back of my hand… I’ve observed your scars and noted your old injuries; I know how to make you squirm and scream

And I intend on giving you some well needed time off… Call it my gift to you, a nice extended injury vacation

I have everything to gain and nothing to lose Scott… You’ve stripped away my dignity, my security, and my compassion leaving only a very jaded woman who has become obsessed with this grand idea of vengeance. And you know the old saying don’t you?

Hell hath no fury to a woman scorned…

Well I hope that deal with the devil includes protection… Because you’re about to be dancing with him.

Happy Hunting….

The UWA Brand Icon
2009 Superstar Of The Year
Lacey Allen Cohen