From Russia, With Malice

What a pissed out week this has been… Honestly words cannot express just how miserable things have been for me ever since Katherine and I lost our Universal Cup match to the team of Nevada’s Finest. Sure I could sit here and read you off a list of things that had played out against our favour and make excuses like every other sad sap here; but I won’t… In fact I’ll respectfully congratulate Bobby Peru on another win to advance closer to that Universal Title match. Thus far Peru has put on a one man show winning all the Universal Cup matches for his team.

I suppose I can’t go without mention of his wayward tag team partner… You see, he’s a spineless hate mongering muppet with less class and dignity than even Stacy Cena [Allegedly]. However he did me an unusual service the first night I was in Russia and for what reason I’m not entirely sure…

I won’t go into details about what exactly happened as the situation is both hard to imagine and very personal… But it was because of his intervention that I’m here typing this blog right now, and even though this is incredibly agonizing for me to say… I’ll still be big enough to say it

Thanks…

Ugh, now I need to go bathe in battery acid to get the dingy feeling off me…

Also… (And much more importantly) is my manager and Friend Lydia … The same night I had my “ordeal” I woke up in her hotel room feeling like my head had been used as a football. It was very late, and I was alone. So after venturing out into the lobby I discovered that I’d been placed in her room and that she left only hours prior with some unidentified man.

It‘s the last time anyone saw her…

I know many of you don’t like me… But please, if anyone out there has any information about her whereabouts than I beg that you come forward and let us all know. This is a very serious matter that has to do with the welfare of our co-worker, friend, and a friend of the community

After my ordeal however, I fear the worst… And all my prayers are with her right now

Sincerely,
Lacey Allen Cohen