ECWF vs UWA

Exhausting, that’s the only word that I can come up with to describe the outcome of Monday Night Mayhem… Three Stages of Hell turned out to be exactly that

Hell…

Scott and I battled it out, tooth and nail trying to quite literally kill one another. And when the smoke finally cleared… Both of us nearly accomplished just that. Yes, I hate that seedy bastard as much as the next person. He’s a racist, sexist, chauvinistic piece of rubbish who feels as if everyone owes him a massive debt… But he did prove one thing on Monday night, and that is the fact that he can still take a beating and keep fighting

That’s all the credit I’ll give the prick… And as we move forward into the next Mayhem I’ll be ready to finish the job I started on him in the Cell. And I’ll have the opportunity to plant my foot in Madsen’s arse as well…. Yeah, our new Universal Champion had a quality match and a winning outcome against the upstart Candice Cisco but now she has to deal with the prospect of Scott and me as contenders to her title… And if anyone knows Scott Sillinger, than they can expect that he’ll do something to screw Madsie over on Mayhem.

So Champ… I hope you get your rest, hone those reflexes and prepare for the knife in the spine… Because there’s a very real chance of you being in a handicap match on Monday Night, in fact plan on a massive screw job… Because It’d be very “Un-Sillinger-Like” to honour the guidelines of this match…

And since that’s behind us…

I’d like to take just a moment to comment on the ECWF’s return to the wrestling industry… As everyone well knows I’m a firm supporter of the UWA and I will stand behind the banner of this federation no matter what we’re up against. Sure, I respect the ECWF and its traditions and I’m grateful to the Draven’s for the opportunities they gave to me. But there will be no wavering on my behalf… I am a UWA Legend, the face of this federation and as its Icon I plan on leading this battle against the East Coast Wrestling Federation and its contingency

There are also rumours about regarding the contract situation with my lovely girlfriend Katherine Keller… I implore you to pay no attention to them; yes she’s the current ECWF champion. However it would make no sense to see her sign on with the ECWF and work against both myself and her mother. She’d be better suited in the UWA where she can challenge for the real prize in the industry

The Universal Title

So expect to see Katie Keller standing behind the UWA cause as soon as she’s ready to return to the ring… I just hope the ECWF knows exactly what it’s up against in this coming war.

Oh… The Latest news from Bobby Peru is that he’s climbing Mount Everest so he can personally challenge God to an arm wrestling match… Apparently he feels that God lives up there? Part of me feels like he’s confusing Mount Everest for Mount Olympus… And God for Zeus… But, I have no way of contacting the lad and telling him otherwise… So Good luck to Bobby Peru, let’s hope he can beat God in that arm wrestling contest

Three Cheers,
2009 & 2010 UWA Superstar of the Year
UWA Legend
Lacey Allen Cohen

Lucky?

Lucky?

I’d say so… Candice Cisco advances in what can only be defined as a massive upset in the UWA by defeating (and I use the term loosely) both Krishna and I on Mayhem this week. Of course she’s from a rich traditional wrestling family who has a lot to be proud of, however even the biggest fool can see that my loss wasn’t because I was outsmarted or outplayed by a rookie on the rise.

No, my demise came by the hand of Scott Sillinger who saw it fit to see me out of contention for my championship… Well bravo Scotty, you’ve helped a youngster land a massive upset. Shame you won’t get an opportunity to try for my belt either though…

I personally saw to that… And now as we ready ourselves to head into the UWA’s second show, you and I suddenly find ourselves in a three stages of hell match. Shame I don’t believe in hell… huh?

But, just because I don’t believe in such fairytales doesn’t mean that I’m not capable of showing you the true definition of such a place… Pain, punishment, and torture beyond anything imaginable is exactly what awaits you when we step into the ring. I’ll be thinking… No; seething over the fact that I’m wasting my time on some fucking has been like you while people like Candice, Graves, and that cunt Madsen fight for a title that belongs around MY waist. I hold you personally responsible and on Monday Night Mayhem

I’ll take all my motherfucking frustrations out on you and finally end your faltering career once and for all…

But enough about you… Candice, congratulations on your win: I don’t mean to sound so disrespectable when I say that it should be me, but surely you know in your heart that I was robbed out of my opportunity. I’m not demanding a shot at any belts or even suggesting that you shouldn’t enjoy the moment in the sun. In fact you should cherish it… Bask in its warmth, and please… Beat that slapper Madsen and Nancy Graves. Just be warned luvie… That sooner or later (probably sooner) I’ll be back in the front of the line looking for my title.

Good Luck on Mayhem... And remember, go for Madsen’s legs… Her bones are made of glass.

On a brighter note, I’ve begun work on my website… I’ve got my bio up as well as a little insight on my siblings (myself included) in order of oldest to youngest. Over the coming weeks I’ll be updating and adding more to it… So check back for updates and additions

Cheers,
2009 & 2010 UWA Superstar of the Year
UWA Legend
Lacey Allen Cohen