Best of 2009

Much to cover I suppose, and despite the physical and emotional pain that has befallen me this week I am happy to announce my claim as both “Biggest Heel” and “Best Overall Superstar” of the 2009 ECWF/UWA season. It was a year that had brought me both trial and tribulation, I saw friendships grow and shatter; relationships flourish and then crumble beneath my feet. I also saw both success and destitution as I went the entire time in the ECWF representing some form of championship and getting defeated only twice in the span of a whole year…

Still the plight I’ve felt during the few short months in the UWA has made up for all of the glory I found in the ECWF. I watched my stable collapse, lost a friend, had a relationship collapse and now am forced to redeem myself if I wish to retake my rightful spot at the top of the mountain. I’ve let old habits dictate who I am and because of the greed of others; I now pay for such shortcomings…

Yes Scott… I know; you’re the gutted one, right?

More like a gutless wanker who cares for only himself… Foolish boy and your bloody pride, well luv you might be riding high right now. But rest assured, I will have my time in the sun and I will regain my championship. I only hope you’ve got the bollocks to beat that muppet Shay Matthews

Otherwise I’ll have to kick his arse to win MY title back… And trust me luv, that wouldn’t be nearly as fulfilling…

But on a more pressing matter… It seems I have won a shot at the UWA No Limits Championship; I know… Fancy that, right? The truth is that I haven’t been keen on Hardcore Matches since my time in the EWA a few years ago and were I’m confident that I could hold and defend such a championship. I feel as if it’s better on my sister’s shoulder right now; so I’ll wait to challenge for the belt. Perhaps later in the year when my life has settled down enough to where I can think straight again?

Oh and in case I forgot to mention it… Scott… Go Get Bent

Piss-Head

The Superstar of the Year
Lacey Allen Cohen

[untitled]

I can't eat... I can't sleep... I can't think... I just wanna die....

Cheers!

Champion at last! And I must confess… the feeling is far more fulfilling than before because I have the retrospect on being champion this time. I can honestly say that I’ll take this run as the Universal Champion one day at a time and enjoy every moment I hold my championship. Of course I’m not lost to the fact this makes me the prime target for attack in the UWA as many will be chomping at the bit for my title… But as always I’ll gladly welcome any challenge and handle my business like a Brand Icon like myself should.

But I’m not posting today to brag about me… There’ll be more time to do that in later posts, what I want to focus on is congratulating Trey and Sophie for also winning championships, I was very excited for the both of them. Especially Sophie who has worked her ARSE off to get to this point… I can’t wait to see her again so we can go and get rat-arsed in Vegas to celebrate the occasion

All the hard work and stress has finally paid off, and as long as Sophie can stand up on her own two feet and give the No Limit’s championship proper respect then she’ll be considered one of the great champions in the sport. Trust me when I say that she has the physical talents to validate such claims.

As far as my mate Trey goes… I am also so very happy for you and proud that you mopped the floor with that Sally-Boy Elliot to win the Silver Championship. No matter what anyone says, you will always be rated as one of the most gifted athletes I’ve ever had the pleasure to be acquainted with, and I am massively happy that you’ve turned things around with your fortune. I stand by the fact that you, I, and Sophie are the future of this great company…

And now all three of us have championships to prove as much

Once we get to Vegas… The lot of us are due for a bloody good time, perhaps we’ll see how many fines we’ll leave the stare with?

The UWA Universal Champion,
Lacey Allen Cohen

Dreams?

We are only days away now from the big Triple Threat match at Dismember to hold the rights to be called the UWA Universal Champion, and with the risk of sounding repetitive I fancy a mention of just how excited I am about this match. Certainly there are great risks involved with such an event, both professional and personal… But I’ve had a fortnight to weigh these risks in my head and have determined that the reward outweighs the risks.

Granted, I must face off against one of my last remaining mates and current tag team partner… As well as the man I’m set to marry, and I can only hope that we will all be able to come out of this match with a common respect for one another. It’s my greatest fear that this one-opt match might signal the demise of one or perhaps both relationships… And in the past I might’ve been quite aright with that.

But that’s not who I am right now… Sure I’ll still win, or at least die trying; but I will not cheat to do so. If I am to become the new Universal champion, than I want it to be without controversy. But if Bobby or Scotty do win this event and I’m left in the cold with nothing but an “atta girl” for my troubles… Then I’ll hug the winner and hold his arm in victory, no matter which of the boys it is…

My hope would be to reunite Nevada’s Finest once again… They were the greatest tag team I have ever seen in all my years of wrestling, and if they could get over this quarrel (which oddly enough is over me). I could honestly see a potential for a return of “Torrent”… Yes I know John, you’re stomach just did a back flip but you’ll have to just deal with it. Besides, it’s nothing in the books quite yet… It’s more of just a dream for a girl who misses spending time with all of her mates.

Part of me would even like to see Hailey Faith again; I think that perhaps we could rekindle our friendship and have her a part of the group… She was considered to be like a sister to me at one time, that is before Cena and his propaganda pulled us apart. So Hailey, luv; if you happen upon my blog I’d really like to talk to you again. Even if it’s not about business than I’d like to invite you to be a part of my wedding; I’d fancy having you there after all

As far as Trey and Sophie go, you two are always welcome in our group… Sophie is my sister and I’d die for her. And Trey is like a brother to me so no matter what, he’ll always be welcome in my household and in any stable I’m a part of.

Again, this isn’t me announcing the return of anything… Just dreaming about the idea of reforming the old “band” with all of my mates. So please nobody get any ideas that Torrent is alive and well because at the moment there’s no such thing.

Love us or hate us, we were the most influential group in all of wrestling for quite a time… And a return for us would be massive for UWA ratings, not to mention help usher in this new era with style and prestige.

But enough of my babble for one day, and on an unrelated note… Happy Hanukkah to all my fellow Jewish mates as well as the fans, I hope all of us have a very happy and safe holiday. I’ll see all of you at dismember

Wish me luck!

Cheers!
Lacey Allen Cohen

Enemies With Benefits

Now since all of you blokes have been so deeply gripped by the anticipation and completely diluted over the fact that I’ve not made any updates to my Blog recently, I’ve decided to set some time aside to start updating once again… Of course that means all the copy cats like John and Stacy Cena will start working their blogs again so they can fit in with the UWA’s most popular trend setter. But that’s aright by me, I could be all arsed over it; but you know what they say?

“Mimicry is the best form of flattery”

And not to stray too far from John Cena, I would like to congratulate him and Madsen on successfully walking into Mayhem and getting their arses handed to them by the superior team of Bobby and I. Clearly you blokes were outclassed, out smarted, and out wrestled in a match that you had to win. But you know I don’t blame Madsen for the loss; I mean sure I pinned her and she might be a worthless skank. But John Cena is the biggest “Choke Artist” in the industry and lately cannot seem to find a way to win “the big one”… Especially when it’s against the UWA’s Icon

And for those who haven’t been paying attention… That’s me…

So John, I hope your content with a second rate championship like the No Limit’s title… I mean assuming you can win a big match against Violet and Ben; and yeah you know as well as I that it’ll be against the both of them. I mean face it, she might be your friend but I’m sure she fancies her boyfriend a lot more than you… And after she was made the goat in his loss to Scotty last week, she might be subconsciously thinking of ways to make it up to him.

I could be wrong… But I’ve got a hunch that the two love birds won’t be as quick to duel with a third party present..

As far as I’m concerned… I’ve got a hyped up triple threat match to compete in against two of the very best superstars to ever have laced up a pair of boots and climbed into the ring. On one end there’s Bobby Peru; a man I have renewed respect for. He and I went through the Universal Cup Tournament with the precision of a surgeon; butchering the teams who stood before us… Our recent workings have allowed me to forgive him for what he did to me at the start of the UWA’s existence, and granted me the ability to be on a level ground with the man.

Of course on the other hand there’s my beloved… The current Universal Champion, he is the embodiment of what a champion should be. Brash, charismatic, skillful, and full of wit; like him or hate him you have to admit that he’s accepted all challengers and despite a recent loss to Genocide, has beaten everyone he’s faced in this federation. This is a match that he thrives on with his opportunistic abilities, but even with all my love and admiration for the man…

I still intend on taking his championship away from him…

And why not? This is a “dog eat dog” world and if you’re not in the game to win than you have no business to be in the game at all… He knows my intentions as I know his, and no matter the outcome. I’m certain that our relationship will remain un-affected

Now on a non-business related note… Josh, luv… I see what you’re trying to do; and I can honestly say that I’m impressed. Yes you beat up my fiancée; in fact you nearly killed him all because of your obsession with me. Now I understand that you have a diluted sense of right and wrong; but certainly you know a warning when you see one…

So allow me to issue it…

Don’t fuck with me… I know you’re arsed and right now, if you just walk away from it than I might be able to let bygones be bygones. However if you continue down your rage filled jealous path, then I’ll be prompted to respond in ways that might crush what little bit is left of your battered soul… You know what I’m capable of doing to you emotionally, and I will not hesitate to rip that black heart of yours out of its resting place and feed it to you.

So if you have a problem with me… You take it up with me, not Scotty, not Bobby, not Sophie, or Trey… ME…

Got it?

The UWA ICON,
Lacey Allen Cohen