New Years Revolution

Seriously, who posts things on blogs anymore aye?

I suppose there's so much I could say, and yet so little that hasn't in some way been covered by every other idiot with a social media account. So why don't we start off with the events that took place at REVOLUTION XIX...

Ah, it was the biggest event of the year that saw the crowning of a new champion and the emergence of a new era of superstars that will look to make 2017 a banner year. People like Tyson Gregory and Julian Savel have proven to us that Tag Team Wrestling isn't a dead institution, while Zoey Adler proved that even a complete and total wanker can have a lucky night and somehow not lose 2 big matches despite being out classed in BOTH

Thanks to the efforts of Josh Elliot, anyway...

We watched Aidan Collins get lucky enough to be in a chamber with 3 plebs and not Jackie Fowler who had to be blasted in the face with a wrench to be eliminated from the match... I'm just as disappointment as you are, Lad... Zoey's anorexic wife needs a head injury to teach her some manners...  - - His untimely elimination all but handing the ECWF Championship to Collins who only had to beat baby Moss

MsKatieSomethingOrOther...
Whatever...

Also we saw the return of a few people!

But if you think I'm allotting more than one line on this blog to Alexis Terry... You're higher than she is. 

I don't actually care about any of that... Honestly, I don't care that Zoey needed help to beat Cobalt who is like 0-8 in the ECWF. I don't care that some twat from up north is back. I don't care that Tyson and Julian beat Josh and a 12 year old girl by the skin of their arse. And I don't care that Aidan Collins is a placeholder for a championship that belongs to m

NONE of it matters
In fact the ONLY thing that matters... Is Lacey Allen

That's right... Your SEVEN time ECWF Superstar of the year - - the woman who co-holds (for now) the record for MOST ECWF World Championships. The woman who has beaten every single one of you slobs at one time or another on her way to DOMINATING 2016 in a style fit for a queen... I'd like to thank MYSELF for all the hard work and dedication I put in last year. Without me, I would have never regained my rightful spot as the federation's most valuable superstar - - and without wankers like you to pad my bloated statistics and make me look all the better

I'd probably be the best superstar someplace else instead of here
Then it'd be a different roster of twats crying nepotism every time I out class them

(Which is often)

Shit, I won superstar of the year in a landslide and never even broke a nail doing so. And if you think that's bad - - you should look in the mirror, because you're miles below me on the food chain.

I can promise you more of the same for the new year... See 2017 is a BIG deal for the ECWF as it goes into it's 20th anniversary. This company has outlasted other promotions who have claimed to be bigger and better. We've made legends out of mere mortals, and we've crushed some pretty big egos along the way

Yours could be next if you start to think yer bigger than the logo
You'd be wise to remember that

But I digress...

"Blah, Blah, Blah"
 My year
"Blah, Blah, Blah"
 Kicking all your arses
"Blah, Blah, Blah"
 Legend

[Insert Eye Rolling here]

I'm not wasting my time telling you how fucked you are. It's much more fun to let you believe that this is your breakout year before I snuff the life out of your dreams with the heel of my boot... See, unlike Genocide, who has spent the better part of 2016 trying to figure out why he's had such poor form... I intend to let my actions speak for me on that account

That's not a knock on Josh. He knows where we stand
And he's smart enough to help himself become "Genocide" again in 2017

Now who is left that I haven't mentioned?

-------
Gwen Massey?
Naaahhh... She's so lost in "Gwen Land" that she can't see us living in reality

Hmm... Celeste Spirit?
Do yourself a favor kid and drop the surname. It's cursed...

Uhhh...  Mongoose?
Take a shower, you fucking slob

Mmmm... The Artist Formerly Known as Nate Daniels
See what selling out got ya?
--------

OH! That's it! The ONE person I didn't mention yet was the ECWF United States Champion

Mia Scott Cohen

I bet you all are waiting to hear me sit here and big her up. I bet you all are reading this like "Here we go... Lacey promoting her fucking wife again"

But yer wrong... See, I don't need to promote Mia. I don't need to tell you how good she is or how fucking dominate she's going to be in 2017. Because much like myself, she intends to show you the old fashioned way

With a knee to the face and a loss on your record book

What I will address is her actions at Revolution against the aforementioned Nate Daniels. Ah... I know, you all think that this is some fucking Cohen scheme to screw the institution over. And as much as I "can't wait" to hear the media act like this is some act to promote something... I'm afraid I have to squash those notions before they snowball

I ask you this
If somebody takes a cheap shot on your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend ect... Wouldn't you feel obliged to knock that pricks head off for it? If somebody attacked Tyson's girlfriend, and he ripped that arsehole's head off, you'd be applauding him as a hero

But when Mia does it... 
She's a lap dog protecting her meal ticket?

And they say Gwen's deluded...

I had nothing to do with Mia attacking Nate, I didn't know she planned to do it and I didn't know she did until I saw it on my closed circuit television. And to be fair about it, I was pretty happy that she did. After he spent a month slandering my name. After he had aligned himself with the lowest form of scum in this place, and the attempt to put me out in the Cell with a piledriver onto the exposed cement

I'd say he deserved what he got

Hell... I applaud her vigilante style retribution
Lord knows, I would have done the same had she been the recipient of all the BS

And then you'd be talking about me "protecting my child bride" or whatever it is.

It makes no difference... Revolution was the end of a year that was good to some and criminal to others. We saw success, we saw failure, we saw the destruction of relationships, and the revival of careers. 

But as in all sports, a new season brings new hope

I know many of you have set lofty goals.
I also know that many of you won't be here when we're talking about 2017 in past-tense

Don't feel bad... You wouldn't have been the first to have failed because the talent is just too great to compete against.

What I can tell you for sure... Is that at the end of 2017 - - just like the previous NINE years

Lacey Allen Cohen will be standing RIGHT here
Above the rest of you
STILL Queen of the world

Adieu, darlings

The ECWF ICON
Lacey Allen Cohen